Living with other humans part three
Listening to: Wake Up by Arcade Fire
The past several months have been out of control busy. Husband and I both work full time and have been taking classes. On top of that I’m taking yoga classes every day and going to Crossfit three times a week. For the first time in a while I got into bed at 10 pm on a week night.
When I got off the couch to announce that I was going to sleep, my husband said this “right behind you love!”
After doing all my before bed rituals (washing the day off my face, flossing, brushing blah blah blah) I happened to notice that husband didn’t move from the spot he was sitting. So I checked my favorite Instagram accounts … I just love Nozomioride and Rizzlin. <3.
Still husband remains on the couch and now I hear motorbikes tearing up a dirt track. Wife -0 Motorcross-1
Knowing that I have both yoga and Crossfit on the following day I decided to close the bedroom door and retire without him.
Exactly 25 minutes later, in the time it took me to drift off into a deep slumber, I am viciously torn from sleep. First I hear a loud crash and then lots of pounding … like someone was beating down the door attempting to escape the zombie apocalypse.
Now I’m sitting straight up in bed screaming at the top of my lungs “HEEEEEEEEEEY WHATS GOING ON!!!!!!!??????” Over the vibrations of my heartbeat pounding through my ears I hear the door slide open gingerly.
Its none other than Clarence … standing in the doorway and sheepishly he states “who closed that door?”
From the depths of my soul I wanted to tear his ass in half. I was so alarmed and angry.
To take this even further, he leaves the bedroom for a few moments and I hear him stifling his laughter from the bathroom.
They say two wrongs don’t make a right … I’m going to test that theory. Stay tuned for the results on my lab work.
Listening to: King of Pain by Alanis Morrisette
It took me nineteen years to figure out how to search for my friends blog on tumblr. A clear indication that I am getting old. GAH!
Also, just before I left New York, I recall seeing a sign on the subway that read “Talk to your kids about Spice before it’s too late.” I recall thinking at first “What the heck is Spice?” I walked down my block and like a lead pipe it hit me over the head. OMG “Spice” is drugs? I bet “Spice” is drugs. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I am super old. I had to read about Spice on the subway which means it’s probably been around for a year or two.
Anyway … she’s awesome http://brogog.tumblr.com/. Follow, follow, follow! Be mindful of the fact that she writes during periods of sleep deprivation, its good stuff.
RIP CHI Flat Iron
Listening to: Spacewalk by Starkey
Just a small happening and safety advisory … when flat ironing your hair and multi-tasking be sure to put the lid of the toilet seat down.
Last week I stepped on the cord while reaching for my make-up bag and sent the iron right into the toilet. At first I was scared of getting electrocuted so I called for Clarence to assist me as I watched the searing hot flat iron expel a black liquid into the toilet.
He walked in and unplugged it without hesitation. (ugg.)
The next day I felt so lucky that the local base exchange had my exact item in stock and I wouldn’t have to wait an entire light-year to receive a new one. (shipments to this island have been delayed as of late due to imaginary typhoons).
Upon purchasing this item I hear husband say “One hundred dollars!?” and then I remind him that he just purchased another motorcycle (#4) for several thousand dollars without one gripe from the likes of me.
Sometimes I have to send him gentle reminders that he is over reacting by way of folded arms and a face that depicts “are you F’ing serious?”
We’re still friends.